Ranting. And a bit of story.

[asreoninfusion]

Pointless, spontaneous post here, but I have to do something else I shall explode from glee. *nodnod* I rant to my family, but they are not very sympathetic, and all in all it is rather unsatisfying. So I shall rant here instead.

ONE DAY 'TIL EXPO!!! XDDD

This time tomorrow I will be up in London, at the Expo, in cosplay. Well, add a hopefully to that last one - I still need to finish that goddamn shuriken. *flails* It's almost done - I just need to paint the silver detailing on -  but it hasn't come out as well as I had hoped. *sigh* Guess that's to be expected though, since I have no skills yet still tend to be a perfectionist. ^^;; Maybe I'll not bother going to the gym this afternoon and run manically home and try and redo some of it.

But either way, there will still be plenty of other people in epic cosplay and copious amounts of pocky and huge stalls of manga and anime and I wonder if that guy with all the yaoi will be there again this year? Not that I'd ever have the nerve to actually go and buy any, but whatever. And hopefully I'll be slightly more proactive in asking people for photos. There are always so many epic cosplays that I would love photos of, but I'm usually too shy to ask people if I can take their picture. ^^;; (Note to self - remember to charge and then actually bring spare battery for camera.) I shall be stalking the photoshoots though, mwahahaha.

I said this was a pointless entry, but I've changed my mind. To make it a little less pointless, I shall post some storyness! ^^ Nothing fancy, I'm afraid. Just a small idea that I scribbled out, more of a writing exercise rather than an actual polished work, and it ended up a lot longer than I ever intended. So, yeah. It's not great or anything, but I really need to post more writing.

These chambers are all that I have known for longer than I care to remember, and in all those years, nothing much has changed. Perhaps the books, untouched trinkets on mahogany shelves as tall as the ceiling, have gathered a little more dust. Velvet drapes have darkened with age; a few have been replaced, though only with more of the same thick, deep colours. The ornaments that litter across the room wherever there is space – and often where there is not – have probably increased in number, but to my eyes they blur into one mass of gold and bronze and polished wood, and I could not say for certain which of them are in my lady’s possession from one day to the next.

My lady spends her time in the heart of her rooms, her form supported in one way or another by her favourite armchair of plush crimson velvet and gold gilding. Often she sits demurely, her ankles crossed in the perfect picture of the noble lady she is. Today is an exception to this rule – she is sprawled sideways across the lap of her chair, long ebony hair draping over one of its arms, legs extended out over the other.

She matches her chambers, in a way. Dark and rich, overpowering. Her clothes consist of draped fabrics, silks mostly. She is as ornamented in jewellery as her room is in trinkets; necklaces and bracelets, anklets and armlets, rings on fingers and toes, headpieces and earrings. Even the thick belt she wears is plated in gold and set with darkly gleaming rubies. They jingle softly as she kicks a porcelain teacup off a side-table.

It smashes at my feet, and she glowers at me as I stoop to collect the pieces.  

“And what of these ones?” Her tone is as eloquent as always, but irritation underlies its smooth tenor. She taps long, elegant fingernails against the glass of her mirror.

The mirror looks innocent enough to me – a little too grandiose, perhaps, overly large and emblazoned with intricate gold-edging, but that is no different to much else here. The silver reflects nothing but the room.

It is not so for my lady. She has told me, in one of the few moments of lightness and kind words, how she can see the World in the glass. She does not need the mirror to see the World – that is her gift, and she can use it how she pleases. But she prefers to cast the images onto something solid, something tangible. It helps her to keep her mind clear, to distinguish between what is here and what is in the World. 

But it is more than that. She does not only see the World, but the paths that the mortals in the World follow. And, if she so desires, she can alter them. Twist the paths, collide futures, crush or fulfil dreams on a whim. That is what she is. What she does.

“They are powerful; there is no doubt about that. Too powerful. To let them stay as so would tempt disaster,” she continues. I nod. My lady often talks of her work like this, expressing her thoughts aloud to me. “But,” her voice is softer now, “they are in love.”

This surprises me – my lady does not often have patience for love. Millennia of watching the World has shown her how fickle the hearts of mortals are.

I say nothing.

“They will not survive the parting well.”

She looks at me, waiting for a reaction. Baiting, then. But I will not beg her to spare them this time. Sometimes I do, and sometimes she is compassionate. Today will not be such a time, I think – she does not like it when the choice for a mortal’s future is not clear, and her irritation is often expressed by callousness.

I say nothing.

With a wave of her hand, she dismisses me. “Fetch more tea, Girl.”

I bow as I leave.

I do not mind that my lady refers to me only as ‘Girl’. It is true enough that when I came to her I was but that. It has been many years since then, and long have I outgrown the title, but there is naught else my lady can call me. I do not have a name, after all.

I am certain that I must have had a name once, some time in another life before I was brought into my lady’s service. Beyond that, all recollection of such things was taken from me the moment I entered these chambers.

In this, at least, my lady and I are equal. She is nameless also. She has title, yes, and a very respectable one at that. The Mistress Fate, Lady Luck, Fortuna; loved and hated in equal measure, revered by all. But these are labels only, and of a name to call her own, she has none. I do not know if she realises this. I do not mention it to her.

The kitchens are my domain, the one place within my lady’s chambers that is not cluttered by centuries-worth of trinkets or draped in rich fabrics. But the uncluttered room seems dull and lifeless, too ordered. There is no personality there. I cannot make it my own because it is not mine. Not even I am mine. I do not like the reminder.

Years of experience have taught me efficiency, and I return to my lady’s side quickly.

“Shall I send them away?” she asks.

Her eyes darken as she watches me place a new cup, identical to the one she shattered before and filled with steaming liquid, on the small table beside her chair. I do not know what to say. It is not my place to answer such a question.

Does my silence anger her? The set of her mouth turns cruel.

“Very well. They will not meet again.”

The words are harsh, final, and the second she says this, I know it will be so. She is Fate, unquestionable, undeniable. Once she has set her mind upon her course, there is nothing anyone can do to change it.

I feel pity for them, those mortals. My lady does what she has to, what she exists to do, even if it remains as nothing but a painful duty. It is cruel. She has told me of the mortals, the ones who wither away, helpless and broken, unable to stand that loss when she tears them apart. She has not told me she feels guilty for it, but sometimes I see that flicker in her eyes when she breaks a mortal’s heart in two.

Did she feel guilty when she decided my fate, to serve her here for all eternity?

It embarrasses me now, how childish and uncomprehending I was when she chose me. My first years were wasted in futile dreams and desperate flight, and the harsh lessons of stinging strikes and biting metal that accompanied that. I do not attempt to escape anymore. I am wiser than that now. And yet... the want of freedom has never left my heart. I will gain it someday, of that I am certain; in death, at the very least, if opportunity does not come calling before. I will be free again.

I wonder when I began to want to free her as well.

She is just as much a prisoner as me. As long as I have been held captive here, she has been here longer. I have never seen her sleep, never seen her leave her constant vigil over humanity. I do not think that she can.

It seems cruel in its irony that Fate herself should so be bound here, forsaken. She who has power over all the World, yet powerless herself to decide her own future. 

Eyes that before expressed the heat of anger turn tired as she glances up at me, and I wonder, not for the first time, if she can sense my thoughts. Perhaps she dreams of escape just as much as I do.

Her hands are cold, burning an icy trail as she brushes her fingers across my cheek.

“This is where we belong.”

Sadness. For the mortals she has hurt, for the responsibility she bears, for me. She does not believe what she has said, not really. It is only a shadow of the truth. The real truth is that, belong or not, this is where we shall remain for eternity.

That is the truth I acknowledge.

“Yes, my lady.”

I'm not sure how well it flows, since I wrote a few parts that came easily then tried to fill it in to link them a few days later. I haven't even read through the final thing as a whole yet. ^^;; I also meant to change the first three paragraphs, since it's just like one massive lump of description, but the bell has gone and I really want to post this now, so, yeah...

So I wither, and render myself helpless
I give in, and everything is clear
I break down and let the story guide me
I wither, and give myself away
Like reflections on the page
The worlds that you create
 ~ Wither, Dream Theater

Comments

[dragon-infusion.livejournal.com]

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-too tired to comment properly and am going to bed talk tomorrow have fun okay yay!

AND PHOTOS. LOTS. OF. PHOTOS.

ENGLISH IS OVER FOREVER AHAHAHA

[nitemare-archer.livejournal.com]

O________O;; Holy snapping duckshit. [Not that there is anything holy about duckshit, but I've taken a liking to that phrase and as such use it wherever I must - and this, my dear, is most definitely a must.]

*flails* Aaaargh! This is so freaking awesome! I think I worked out that the lady was Fate around the time you mentioned the mirror and I think I nearly seizured from glee, because that is so fucking made of win.

Dad's just wandered into my room offering me free reign over his chocolare drawer since he ate all my Lindt ones. Bastard. So, I offer the contents of his chocolate drawer to you, my dear, for it is only fair that you are gifted with a mountain of chocolate for the awesomeness of your writing.

It seems cruel in its irony that Fate herself should so be bound here, forsaken. She who has power over all the World, yet powerless herself to decide her own future. This is my absolute favourite line, because it's just so damned poetic. Also, the capitalisation of 'World'? Gives this an otherworldly feel that I very much like. Uh, no pun intended?

[Is there a pun, there? I'm tired T^T]

*grin* Katy, darling, if you think this is 'unpolished', I believe my brain will explode from the awesome when you do polish it; I honestly think this is perfect as it is.

*beams and huggles* You are awesomeness personified and we are definitely not worthy.

*cough* Okay, serious part of comment over, that leaves me to finish with-

EXPO HOLY CRAP I CANNOT WAIT! *GLEEEE*

G'AWWW, I WANNA GO TO A CONVENTION AGAAAAIN!!

FOR SHIVA'S SAKE, DON'T FORGET THE CAMERA, DARLING. AND WORRY NOT ABOUT YOUR COSPLAY, FOR I KNOW IT SHALL BE FAAAABULOUS!!

[SERIOUSLY, WE MUST GO TO ANOTHER CONVENTION TOGETHER. I ENDORSE THE GOTHIC!LOLITA SEPHY IDEA... *WINKWINK*]

AS FOR PHOTO-TAKING AND ASKING FOR SAID PHOTOS; DON'T WORRY, I ALSO GET SHY, BUT THEN I THINK THAT I HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE AND PHOTOS ARE HAD. *GRIN* BELIIIIIEVE IN YOURSELF, DARLING!! I'LL SING IF I HAVE TO.

BUT, MOST IMPORTANTLY, HAVE FUN!! GLORIOUS, GLORIOUS FUN!!! *HUGGLES* UNTIL YOU RETURN, DEAR!

P.S. Also, I was permitted to play the playstation yesterday and finally got up to Rosso the Crimson in Dirge of Cerberus.

... *fume* I HATE THAT SKANKY TSVIET BITCH. RAAARGH. And Vinnie is completely useless because he's so slow and he takes forever to get up after she smacks him one. Haaaaate.

As soon as Bio is done with this week, she's going down like a sack of spuds rolling down a hill. Down, I say! BWAH!

P.P.S. Uh, sorry. Got a little carried away there. I'll... slink back to study, nao. *huggles and luffles*

P.P.P.S. Apologies for the length of the comment? I think I'm physically unable to leave a moderately sized one. =.=;;

[asreoninfusion.livejournal.com]

*noms chocolates gleefully* Thank you, darling!

Y'know, I think I've figured out why it takes me so long to write anything. I don't really do the whole write something, edit it after - I tend to try and make everything perfect the first time I write it, which is why it takes absolutely ages. And I guess that's why this seems pretty polished straight off. ^^;; I have actually read it through as a whole now, and I changed... what, three words? And deleted half a sentence. That's about the extend of my editing, heh.

*flails* Of course you are worthy! If anything, I am not worthy to read the awesomeness that is your writing. ... Compromise? I shall make up for my unworthiness by giving you this, and you can make up for your (completely unjustified) unworthiness with all your amazing storyness. And then it all works. ^^

YOSH! EXPO!! Have been to first day now - soooooo much awesome. I shall do a photospam as soon as I can after I get home from the second day of Expo. *nodnod* I, uh, don't actually have all that many photos - despite what I said about being non-shy and actually asking people for photos, I still failed - but I did get a lot from the FFVII photoshoot, so they shall be coming up. I'll have a look around at other people's photo collections from Expo, see if I can find the Turk group photo that I'm in. (That was pretty funny actually, cause there was one Tseng and one Elena and then about five Reno's and five Cissnei's. We decided it was Shinra's latest cloning experiment, courtesy of Tseng having a thing for redheads. XD)

Had a brief moment of panic when I dropped my camera and it died and was ded. >.< But Colin took it apart and fixed it, so all is well for tomorrow now! ^^

Guhh. *patpats about teh evil Rosso woman* She annoyed me muchly also. Especially since I was trying to finish the game before I left my dad's house, and then she wouldn't die and I thought I wouldn't be able to and flailed muchly. But then I killed her, and all was well with the world once more. Until I got up to the last battle with Weiss, anyway. >.< I still managed to finish the game within two or three days of getting it though. ^^ (...Yeah. I totally don't have a life. Not as bad as the time I spent ten hours straight playing Kingdom Hearts though... >>;;)

Long comments are luff! I, er, apologise for the length of this reply... ^^;;